Cry, the Beloved Country continued

I finished this book and was so uplifted by it. There is a part where two black men are speaking about the problems of South Africa. A young reverend tells the older reverend his feelings about power. "...there is only one thing that has power completely, and that is love. Because when a man loves, he seeks no power, and therefore he has power." When I read this I thought of my children. They are not looking for power they are truly just loving and that keeps under their complete control. They have more power over me than almost anything in this world.

He continues, "I see only one hope for our country, and that is when white men and black men, desiring neither power nor money, but desiring only the good of their country, come together to work for it.... I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they are turned to loving, they will find we are turned to hating." The spirit wispered to me that I have been prideful and desiring power in my marriage and that it was going to start causing problems. At first I thought this was crazy, our marriage was really good and we were happy. Over the next few days I started to notice that we were having small blow ups and 90% of the problem was me. I remeber clearly standing in the kitchen with a spoon stiring our dinner when this came to me. My anger at the thing we were arguing about disappeared when I thought that I need to stop this and start loving before I find that Matthew has turned to hating.

I highly reccomned this book!!!!

Cry, the Beloved Country

"Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much"

This is the passage where the book gets it's name from. This is how I lived my life for too long!! I let fear rob me of so many things because it has stopped me from calling someone or going to visit someone I feel I should. I have missed opportunities to grow by not taking a challenge. I have usually taken the easy road, this is the reason I have not lost the weight I gained from having Lola and Abby. I read this last night and I couldn't sleep because I was going over in my mind all of the times when I didn't love enough, wasn't happy enough, wasn't moved enough, or didn't give enough of my heart. Then I realized that this was the same thing. I wasn't feeling better I was actually making myself feel worse (that Satan is a tricky little devil). I stopped, got on my knees and thanked God for the opportunities he has given me and repented of the times I didn't take them and promised to always take them when they come up again. I feel so much better already!!!!