I have had a difficult summer. This pregnancy has been so hard on me, I do not' want to go into all of the details, because I have been dwelling on them too much lately. I am finally feeling well enough to focus on studying again. I finished some things that I started in the beginning of summer, but did not get to and now am ready to get started on new projects. For a while, I thought that I was just not ready for a scholar type education. I spent some more time early this spring just trying things out in a LOL style. I now feel restless with this style of learning anymore. I still feel like I do not want to do all of the things that make a student a scholar, such as writing everyday, but know that I have to and even want to see if I can over come this feeling and challenge myself.
Here are the concerns that I have that are causing me anxiety. First, I am still unsure of my "scholar abilities". Second, I feel that I am so far behind where I should be at this point. I also wonder if I have enough time to make it worthwhile. Something that has surprised me is that I am not a good writer. In college, I was good at writing. I wrote all the time and my professors loved and praised my writing. Now that I do not have a "topic" to write about, I have no idea what to write or how to do it. I sit down to write and my mind wanders. This is the part of scholar phase that I am struggling with the most.
I have been mostly reading classic fiction books because I have always loved fiction. Looking back over the books I have read I realize that they have made a difference in my life. I am a better person for reading them and understand myself better. I have really appreciated the group that I go to at Nicholeen's house. I have really benefited from the things that we have read and the discussions also. I do not know if I would have read many of them on my own. I want to venture into other genres myself but do not know how to do it.
This does not mean that I am giving up on my hand work. Iforgot how relaxing and rewarding that it. Now that it will be getting cooler I can work more on quilting and things to stay warm.
