Another problem that I have in seeing this as a scholarly work in theology is that he stated many theses that he did not back up with facts. This is too bad because people have believed what he had to say and possibly some suffering, especially for children, could have been avoided since this time. He wrote a lot about how awful man is, but it got to the point of being offensive after all we are created by God and the light of Christ shines in all of us. I do admit my baseness, but also acknowledge my divine nature as a child of God. He wrote about how he was sinful as a baby for crying to have his needs met instead of just trusting that God would take care of him. I can't see this, or even understand where the idea would come from, certainly not the scriptures. They are just communicating in the only way they know how until we teach them better. The sin would be in continuing to cry and pout and throw tantrums after we have been taught a better way and then only after the age of accountability. If it is a sin for a baby to cry for what it needs from mortal parents, how much more of a sin would it be to cry to God, our perfect, eternal Father, for what we need. Yet this is exactly what we are told to do over and over in the scriptures. If this were true than my first attempts at prayer would have been a sin. Before I knew how to properly say a prayer my utterances were primitive, to say the least, but as I have been taught by the Holy Ghost and those I trust my communication has slowly reached a higher level. All of my sincere prayers have been acceptable. They are not more acceptable now than they were in the beginning, nor are they less acceptable than President Thomas S. Monson's, even though his are definitely on a higher level than mine. On the same note, if my prayers were now the same as they were in the beginning, knowing what I have been taught, I would be sinning. “For to whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required1.”
He also spends too much time on “pearly gates” questions. These are questions that don't really have any bearing on our salvation. We have been warned about this in the scriptures and living prophets.
I did feel compassion for him when he described his early school experiences. He was force dot learn much of what he didn't want to, and beaten when he didn't or couldn't. Later in his life he decided to become educated and undertakes that task himself. He wrote, “No doubt, then that a free curiosity have more force in our learning these things (languages), than a frightful enforcement.” This is the educational philosophy of our home. It is true that you can't make someone learn something, they may memorize a fact or two, but real learning does not occur until there is a desire for knowledge. We spend our time trying to foster that desire. H claimed that enforcement is only appropriate when it comes to God's laws, but I disagree. His original statement applies here as well. Forcing children or adults to keep the commandments doesn't lead to true conversion. We have to teach our children from the time they re small to love God and that He loves us too, then they will have a desire to please him by following his law. Actions are not the aim of gospel teaching in our home, a “mighty change in (their) hearts2” is our goal.
At the the time of writing this he was lamenting the fact hat his parents didn't do a good job of teaching him to control his appetites. His lack of discipline allowed him to fall into sexual transgression as a youth. We need to heed this warning and restrict access to possible evil influenced until children are mature enough and spiritually strong enough to handle them, carry the “suitcase” for them so to speak3. He also suggests that children should be taught scripture before we worry about grammar or history. These are definitely much more important, especially in the younger years.
He goes into a great deal of detail about his sings, not by today's standards, and in fact, I think he handled it well. He said that his purpose was to show that you can repent of anything. It does help me to see those I admire as human, but sometimes this backfires. Timing is important here. I was a little taken aback by revelations from a woman I really admired as a youth, but in the end I respected her willingness to repent. If I had learned this earlier, as an older youth, I may have been devastated.
His sexual transgressions are given in some detail, not graphic, though. He loved sex, not only the act, but the praise he go for having performed an act. In fact, he even lied at times about things he didn't actually do. He ends of concluding that sex is wrong. This doesn't surprise me because those who break the law of chastity always have a skewed view of sex, even after repentance. It is like a pendulum, the further you go astray the harder it is come back to neutral. He has many experiences where the Spirit touches him and he wants to repent, but his flesh is much stronger than his spirit. It is not until early adulthood, 32, that he finds out that the more often we suppress our flesh the stronger our spirit becomes.
A sad part was that at one point he had a lover whom he loved very much. They even had children together. Eventually his mother persuades him to get engaged to another girl who would need to wait two years to get married. He gives her up in order to be engaged. She moves to Africa and vows to never marry again. I really felt for this woman because I am sure it was because of her class status that Augustine didn't marry her and she lived the rest of her life alone. Then to add salt to her wound her finds that he can't control himself long enough to wait to marry the young girl and takes another lover. I really hope she never found out. I guess this is the type of situations that occur as a result of sexual immorality. His reason for this is that we can make good bitter by forsaking God for the good we love. He eventually gives up his plan for marriage all together, lucky for the other girl. I can't imagine what kind of husband he would have made at this point in his life.
Another of his sins that was probably the most difficult to overcome was his pride in his intelligence and education. His pride made him feel like he needed certainty before he can believe.
What he doesn't realize is that this is not belief, it would be knowledge. Belief takes faith, knowledge eliminates the need for faith. He also looks to prove things wrong instead of looking for truth.
A bright spot and turning point in his life is when he developed a relationship with a bishop at Milan named Ambrose. He was a great blessing to Augustine, who said, “To him was I unknowingly led by Thee, that by him I might be led to Thee.” Ambrose showed love to Augustine and Augustine began to love him back. Ambrose had a reputation as an eloquent speaker, but it is interesting that his influence on Augustine was through his friendship and not his sermons. This seems to me to be the point of visiting teaching. As we get to know our sisters and become friends our influence in their lives grows. This is also why member referrals to missionaries are the preferred method of finding people for the missionaries to teach.
He is finally, truly, converted through hearing the version stories of his friends and reading the stories of others. This is what makes fast and testimony meetings so powerful, or potentially so. As we are spiritually prepared by fasting we can be fed by the spirit while listening to the faith building experiences of others.
Overall it was a good thing to read. I wish that he would have been more clear about when he was stating his opinion and when he was revealing the word of God, although I don't consider him a prophet so his stewardship for revelation does not go beyond his family. I don't think it is necessary for me to read any beyond his conversion story.
1Luke 12:48
2Alma 5:14
3Boom, Corie Ten, The Hiding Place
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