Customs by Montaigne

Doing something over and over makes it easier to do, even if the time tween occurrences is long, we can still become used to it, like living by church bells or railroad tracks. I have even noticed this happening when the intervals are random, such as the sirens for the fire alerts. This is the idea behind habits building, or laying the rails, that Charlotte Mason wrote about. When something is our custom or habit we can do it without thinking, like walking or driving. Changing our customs does not come easy. This is what Montaigne meant when he wrote, “Custom is a violent and treacherous school mistress.” This is never more true than when we try to break from custom, even in little things like getting dressed in a certain order, but surely in big things such as family holiday traditions. We are met with opposition not only from ourselves, but from others as well.

New customs and habits are learned slowly and ones we have now may have originated in our early childhood. Montaigne wrote, “I find our greatest vices derive their first propensity from our most tender infancy and that our principle education depends upon the nurse.” This statement made me sop and really think about the customs I am passing along to my children and the habits I am allowing them to develop. Most of them are good and I have been deliberate about it, but some are not. These are the ones that I have often unwittingly allowed to form and that need my direct attention. This is why the years from birth until at least the age of accountability are so very important. What children learn them will determine what they are able to learn and do the rest of their lives. Cor values such as discipline, obedience, listening, diligence, and hard work need to be taught first along with the ability to determine what is right and wrong, good and bad, and true and false. They also need to have time to play and develop their imaginations. There really is no time for academics. Actually academics is not desirable or possible without the foundation of these core values and skills.

These are taught by mom, starting from the very beginning. As mothers we need to require obedience, quality work, and attention. Children need to work with mom on what ever needs to be done. They need to love to hear mom's voice and learn to respond to it whenever she speaks. We need to model all of this. We also need to limit their exposure to bad models of the qualities we want them to develop.

This means work, hard work that many of my generation don't know how to do. It means breaking some of the customs that have developed in our culture and establishing your own. We should not be sending our 3 and 4 year old babies to preschool. We need to stop watching television and playing video games. We need to stay home and stop entertaining our children. Probably the most difficult to do and yet the most important is to do what Charlotte Mason calls Masterly Inactivity. This is supervising your children and being there to correct if necessary, but not hovering or being intrusive.

Breaking form custom is hard, but certainly work it if the custom is wrong. That is what New Years resolutions are all about. We should periodically, not just January 1, look at our lives and decide if our customs or habits lead us to or away from God and adjust accordingly.